The escape from assassination of Osama Bin Laden.

First attempt to kill Bin Laden. Bin Laden now dead.

The location of Osama Bin Laden in 2002.

Osama Bin Laden. The plot to kill him revealed.

In the history of the twenty first century one name will be remembered, especially in the western world, as the personification of evil malevolence. That name is Osama Bin Laden. When we recall the blowing up of The World Trade Centre, or the bombings in Kenya and Tanzania, that left thousands dead. When people speak of The Bali Bombings, the Madrid outrage, or remember the people that were murdered on the London Underground in 2007, one name is always on everyone's lips. That is the name of the man, who if he did not directly order all of those atrocities, at least inspired the perpetrators. The name Osama Bin Laden will forever be associated in peoples minds with these atrocities It is the name of a middle aged Saudi Arabian man who is presently supposed to be in hiding somewhere in the border region between Pakistan and Afghanistan. He is believed to be consumed with an absolute hatred of the west and it's values, and to use his considerable fortune to finance the proliferating Islamist terrorism that is at present afflicting the world. Billions of Dollars have been spent on futile attempts to capture him and bring him to justice. So far Osama Bin Laden has managed to remain free. There are some who maintain that he is dead, and that recent videos of him are hoaxes, created by elements within the American secret service. These videos are said to have been produced in order to provide justification for a continuance of the war in Afghanistan.

Bin Laden after he survived the attack

I have to say here that none of that is true. Osama Bin Laden is alive, and he is still somewhere in the border region between Afghanistan and Pakistan. There is one secret that you are not being told about however, and that secret is that the world's arch terrorist did come within an a hair's breath of being killed in 2002. It is only due to one of those fluke occurrences that happen when "intelligence" is not quite as good as it should be that he managed to escape. I should now like to reveal the exact story of what happened when we almost managed to rid the world of this menace. It is a story of great bravery and daring, that unfortunately was spoiled by a combination of the secret predilections of the a fore mentioned Osama, and a serious failure on the part of United States Intelligence that did not have access to all the salient facts. Our story does have a hero, and that hero is none other than The Cheshire Cat who has made many contributions, both great and small to the history of The United States since the second world war.

For those of you unacquainted with this remarkable feline I will digress for a few lines. The Cheshire Cat is a shape shifting alien that has been incarcerated in Area 51 since the nineteen fifties. He is also the maternal grandfather of President Barack Obama, and he once went on a secret mission to Cuba to assassinate Fidel Castro; he also managed to rid the world of Lenin. More details about the life of this courageous cat can be found by consulting.

The decision to assassinate Osama Bin Laden.

We all know how in the wake of the 9/11 bombings President George W Bush in concert with his allies invaded Afghanistan in order to oust The Taliban Regime, who had been harboring Bin Laden. It was also the intention to kill or capture him if at all possible. The war went quite well in that The Taliban government was defeated, but no amount of searching produced Osama himself. It was assumed that he must have escaped the invasion forces, and the best intelligence indicated that he was holed up somewhere in the border area either in Afghanistan or Pakistan. In July 2002 reliable intelligence was received that Osama Bin Laden was living in a town some one hundred kilometers from the border, but in Pakistan not Afghanistan. The decision was taken at the highest level that he should be eliminated as soon as possible. But because Pakistan was an ally of The United States, it was considered out of the question to invade, and because he was hiding in a rather populous town, it was decided that it would be too risky to bomb him because of civilian casualties.

But President Bush knew of another alternative way of doing the deed. He knew the secret of the prisoner of Area 51.He also was aware of how The Cheshire Cat had killed Lenin, and also almost got Castro. He knew that if Osama Bin Laden was to be done away with, the intrepid pussy was the ideal agent to use. The only problem was that he did not want his prisoner to go free, as the American government still wanted the secret of shape-shifting which so far the cat had refused to divulge. But there was one way to exert pressure on The Cheshire Cat To return to Area 51.

 

The assassin in Pakistan.

It had been decided during the presidency of Bill Clinton, who appreciated the benefits of an active sex life, to allow occasional visits to the prisoner of female cats from around Area 51. I think that President Clinton also believed that this might soften up The Cheshire Cat, and make him more inclined to talk to the team of interrogators that were always on hand in case he decided to reveal the secrets of his powers. Anyway by the time of the Bush first term there were about seven kittens growing up in Area 51 that could claim paternity from the shape-shifting alien. (None of them had special powers however). The President telephoned the cat. He told him that if he helped in the matter of Osama Bin Laden his conditions of captivity would be considerably lightened. It was further intimated to him that if he failed to return to his prison afterwards he would never see his kittens again. The Cheshire Cat refused to consider this proposition, but when the threat to his offspring was withdrawn, and replaced with a promise that they would be re-homed to some of the best families in America he agreed to undertake the mission.

Infiltrating the home of Osama Bin Laden.

Accordingly The Cheshire Cat was dropped by parachute near the outskirts of the town where the world's most wanted man was living. He made his way to the street where the house of Bin Laden was. He was still in his feline form. The plan was quite simple really. American intelligence had found out that the supposed very strict islamic fundamentalist Osama Bin Laden had a secret weakness. He fantasised over girls in fishnet stockings and saucy schoolgirl outfits. Pictures had been taken, by very high definition satelite cameras, of him relaxing from planning the slaughter of millions by pouring over stills from The St Trinians Movies. What the assassin intended to do was to wait outside the house until all had went to bed. Then he would shapeshift into a fifteen year old "Slutty" schoolgirl and materialise in Osama's bedroom. He had a special capsule of cyanide hidden in his mouth. The coating on this capsule was resistant to feline dna, so could do the cat/slutty schoogirl no harm, but it was designed to dissolve instantly on contact with human saliva.The idea was that he/she should french kiss the terrorist, thus transfering the poison to his mouth. In this way the world would be rid of one of mankind's greatest enemies.

Around midnight all the lights went off in the house. The Cheshire Cat immediately transformed. He had been briefed previously as to the location of Osama Bin Laden's bedroom. In less than a second he was in. There was a large double bed in the room, and in the bed was the sleeping form of his intended victim. There was the sound of gentle snoring. The Cheshire Cat/slutty schoolgirl gave a kind of girly giggle. Osama opened his eyes in a rather sleepy fashion. Then he closed them again and opened them for the second time, with a surprised look on his face. He rubbed them, and then a lascivious grin started to spread itself across his visage as the object of his every waking fantasy started to climb into his bed.

How this assassination attempt on Osama Bin Laden went wrong.

This is where it all started to go wrong. I did say earlier that a failure of intelligence spoiled the mission. This is what that was. The American secret service are very good when it comes to taking and studying satellite images. That after all is how they were able to spot Osama Bin Laden drooling over schoolgirl pieces on mountain tops in the North West Frontier. But they were deficient in one thing. Because they relied too much on technology for their information they were often unaware of the exact domestic details of the people they choose to spy on. They did not have the agents on the ground that could give them the more intimate info that can sometimes make or break a mission. That was what spoiled things now. The one thing about Osama that was completely unknown to the outside world was that he always wore silk pyjamas in bed. Sometimes they were blue ones. Sometimes they were green ones, and sometimes if he was in a frivolous mood he wore pyjamas with Disney characters embroidered on them. But they were always silk. Silk, as those of you who have read the other accounts of The Cheshire Cat's life will know, is the only material that can neutralize his powers. Therefore immediately that the slutty schoolgirl/ Cheshire Cat touched against the silk pyjamas he resumed his original form. When Osama Bin Laden found himself in bed with a large grinning cat he kicked out and immediately started screaming and shouting at the top of his voice.

Within seconds the room was filled with gun toting guards. There was now no prospect of administering the poison. With his shape-shifting powers disabled from contact with the terrorist mastermind's pyjamas The Cheshire Cat was in a perilous position. He was saved because there was an open window. While the guards tried to figure what exactly their wildly gesticulating leader was going on about the clever cat dived out the window. After a further series of adventures, which I am not going to relate here he arrived back in Nevada and resumed his stay in Area 51, in accordance with the parole that he had given to President Bush.

 

George W Bush authorized the assassination.

No further assassination attempts have been made on Osama Bin Laden, as far as I know.There will be those amongst you who will be inclined to disbelieve my account of what happened in 2002, but I can show you some proof. Look at the pictures that I have published with this hub. You will see a radical change of appearance in the pictures of Mr Bin Laden. Many theories have been put forward for the differences in these photographs. Some say that he is dead and some of the pictures are of actors. Conspiracy fanatics will believe any old rubbish. But as The President of the Ancient Society of Secret Historians, and the keeper of all the things that are hidden, I can reveal the truth to you. They are "Before" and "after" pictures. Osama Bin Laden changed purely due to the shock that he got that night in 2002 when he had a close encounter with The Cheshire Cat. 

The announcement being made.

The spokesman for The Cheshire Cat announcing the death of Osama Bin Laden.

Osama Bin Laden successfully assassinated.

2nd May 2011.

Today it was announced that American special forces conducted an operation in Pakistan that resulted in the killing of Osama Bin Laden.

I can confirm here that the planning this operation was based on information received from The Cheshire Cat, and that the remarkable feline was involved at every stage of the successful enterprise. This has been not only a great victory in the battle against international terrorism, but it has also been a family triumph, as Barack Obama is, of course, the grandson of The Cheshire Cat.

Let us all hope that the assassination of Osama Bin Laden, will finally be the service that will earn freedom from Area 51 for The Cheshire Cat.

For the complete truth on how Osama Bin Laden met his end read next page.

( This is the truth of how Osama Bin Laden was killed )